Sa Coffee Shop, kung saan libre ang Break-Up
“Sa akin mo na isisi ang lahat, syempre sa’kin lang.” Nakaupo ka sa aking harapan pero nakatingin ka sa labas na coffee shop habang sinasabi ko sayo ang aking nararamdaman.
Palaging busy, palaging may appointment. Alam kong di ka pa nakarining ng mga linyang mas marami pang gasgas kaysa shades na nagkukubli sa mga namamaga mong mga mata.
Oo, gasgas na nga ang mga linya ko, ‘di ko pa masabi sa’yo ng diretso. Sino ba naman ako para magsabing ‘di na nakakabuti para sa’tin ang mga nangyayari?
“Sorry, It’s not you, it’s me,” Kaya nga humihingi ako ng tawad ngayon…patawad sa lahat. Sinayang ko ang lahat, lalo na ang oras mo. Syempre hindi ko inakalang mangyayari ‘to…di ganun kabilis.
“I’m not blaming you, may kasalanan din naman ako. I know we can fix this”
Tama ba ang narinig ko? Eh di mabuti, pero ‘di madaling paniwalaan na magbabago tayong dalawa. ‘Di na siguro sa pagkakataon ito… ‘di sa larong ito. ‘Wag na nating isugal ang mga sarili natin. Alam naman nating matatalo rin tayo sa larong ‘di natin alam pareho kung paano laruin.
“Neither of us deserves the blame.” Pinagtakpan mo na naman ako. Kaya nga siguro kita nagustuhan noon, pero sayang, sa ganito rin pala mauuwi ang lahat.
“Sige, ibibigay ko na ng libre ang sisi sa’yo, libre ko rin namang nakuha ‘yun para quits nalang tayo.” Ang lalim ‘nun pero sa mga panahong iyon, ‘yun ang nasa isipan ko.
“Pero dapat libre din ang kape ko ha?” At ako’y iyong nginitian. Kahit papaano, nabawasan na ang tinik sa aking dibdib. Alam kong magiging maayos ang lahat simula dito.
Isang Junk Food lang ang Katapat
Wow Boy Bagwa! Thanks!
3PM, Joke time. At natatawa rin ako sa sarili ko ngayon dahil pinipilit kong magsulat sa Filipino. Yes, binabalik ko na (well, hindi naman talaga lubusan, pero…I’m trying).
Di ko akalaing tatatak ang pangalang ‘yun sakin. Isang pangalang lumabas sa aking bibig sa kalagitnaan ng tawanan ng mga magkakatrabaho sa isang engineering firm. Pangalang ‘di mo akalaing nanggaling pala sa isang junk food na pinagsasaluhan habang nagkukulitan sa break time. At kahit anung pilit pa ang gawin ko, ‘di ko talagang maikakaila na ang pagbasa ko sa “Boy Bawang” ay “Boy Bagwa”. Alam kong tumatawa ka ngayon, natawa rin ako sa sarili ko noong mga panahong ‘yon. Kasi alam kong “Boy Bawang” namang talaga ang nasa isip ko pero bakit “Boy Bagwa” ang nasabi ko.
Sa mga panahon kasing ‘yon may iba akong iniisip. Iniisip ko kung paano ko maibabalik ang pagsusulat ko ng Filipino. Matagal narin kasi akong di nakakasulat ng Tagalog. Sa katunayan, namulat ako sa pagsusulat gamit ang wikang Filipino. Hindi ko lang alam, sa dami na ng naisulat ko…bakit ‘di ko namalayang nailayo ko na pala ang sarili ko sa pagsusulat gamit nito. Dati kasi pinipilit kong kalimutan ang pagsulat sa Filipino para mahasa ko ang pagsusulat ko ng Ingles. Sa katunayan, naging epektibo naman. Pero napagisip-isip ko na mali pala ang paniniwalang iyon.
Sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na kaya kong pagsabayin ang dalawa. Isang pagsubok na kailangan kong lampasan para mapagtibay ang aking kaalaman sa sining ng pagsusulat. Kaya ngayon, ako’y nagbabalik bilang si Boy Bagwa. Parang Junk Food ang tunog ng pangalan, pero sa naman hindi junk ang akin naisusulat.
Maturity Comes Like a Thief in the Night
I was thinking that this gift is my symbol for maturity.
The turning point was when I received a text message from my supervisor saying that our Manager died in a cardiac arrest with the promising age of 42, leaving her two pre-teen children to her loving husband (39). She’s was, well, a good friend and an excellent leader to everyone.
That made me realize that death is like a thief in the night, you will not know when it’ll strike. You will not know how much it would take from you. I won’t even know if I’ll still be alive when I walked out of the office. So now, I’m trying to patch things up in my life; realizing that an hour of extension in playing online games is like preempting a year of my life here on Earth. AndI was thinking that my infamous “Palos-Uli” attitude seems to be disturbing to others and to me. So, I’ll be more sincere (now) and…(hell yeah this may sound like a new year’s resolution but please bear with me but,)… I’ll be mature now.
Maturity that’s in line with setting priorities, putting up personal goals, and (I think) laying out my “road” in life. Maturity in treating decisions like it’s the most vital ingredient in the recipe of success. Maturity in valuing friends as puzzle-pieces of life. I know, I’m not in the crossroads of my life right now. When that time comes, I’ll be prepared to face those things that’ll yet to come.
To Ma’am Zhen, wherever you are, I’m always praying for your eternal repose. I’m very grateful to have you as my leader, my friend and my inspiration for success. You’ll always be present in our prayers and memories.
P.S., as I write this letter. I had this song on the background.
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh, uh oh
Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She’ll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain’t always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had, just enough time
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had, just enough time
And I’ll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I’ve
Never known the lovin’ of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there’s a
Boy here in town who says he’ll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I’ve had, just enough time
So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell them for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you’re dead how people start listenin’
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you’re really gonna need them, oh
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had, just enough time
So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
Nothing to do with the Prose Title
Happy Weekend!
It has been quite a while having myself busy tapping this keyboard for my blog. Guys, thanks to those who are
still digging into my stuff. But don’t worry, as a sign of gratitude, I’ll break the ice right now! Yey!
Had been busy with work lately and realize that I could hardly open any of my accounts in the net. Poor me, but with strong persuasion from a friend to update this blog…chanang! Here we go. And of all the social network accounts that I have, I don’t know why it came to my mind to open my friendster account. Maybe because I had heard rumors about it closing down or whatsoever, that you need to email their admin and ask for your stuff. We’ll, I guess I bought it, I dug down into my profile and to my surprise, had found this my old friendster blogs. And to my delight, it would save me a heck of time sharing these to you than making a new one.
This one is classic. Wrote this one after I dumped a girl after months of investing my time and money. We’ll at least I have the courage to say “It’s Over”. Hehe, reminiscing my emo days.
Believe me, this is going to hurt me too.
The pain you are about to feel will also be my pain, although not too long ago, mine had not been yours. I should have warned you before everything began; I should have told you about my flaw before I let you in my world. Maybe I would not need to do this. To hurt you will not be easy.
It has been written over and over, happy is the person who finds joy in sunshine through a window, bliss in smilies and random text messages, music in the laughter of playing children, pleasure in a borrowed book read over a lazy weekend.
And many believed.
Yet few realized the repercussions of living in the little things. Because just as they are the trinkets of happiness in our every day, they are, when neglected, constant reminders of what is unrequited.
The little things never were important to you, in the same way, I am inclined to think, I never was.
I am angry. I am hurt. And before all the hurting turns to hate, over which I am afraid I have no control, I must hurt you back. You are the reason. Somehow, you have yet to see that.
I remember how, as a child, I used to skip dinner whenever my mother would scold me. It was cruel, knowing how she would later feel guilty about her son hungering the whole night; it was nonetheless the perfect strategy to get what I wanted.
At a very young age, I discovered how pain changes people.
It is solitude in a vacant seat that shows us who and what really matter, indifference in empty conversations that reminds us of the people and things we have taken for granted.
Pain confronts us with the realities happiness cannot. Pain is liberating.
Do not be afraid. It is still I, the one who taught you the magic of finding the right beat in the dance maniax stall, the one who showed you the warmth of his tears that lonely night, the one with whom you transformed the unrelenting rain into a shower of sanity.
It is still I, I who will hurt when I see you hurt.
This is a cycle that must come to pass.
When it does, I do hope you forgive me, as I would forgive you.
Board Exam Blues: Procrastination
I procrastinate much.
I’m the kind of person that burns the midnight lamp the night before deadlines. But it’s a different story when I’m preparing for a long term exam that doesn’t fit procrastination. Like what I’m doing now, making a blogpost when i should be studying.
It’s just that I’m finding it hard to START with whatever I planned to do. Yeah, I’m a good planner but starting with such plan is like pushing a boulder in the middle of Colon Street. likewise I know there could be any forms of such thing as of (like I did a research on this one): working on (a) nothing , (b) something less important, (c) something more important. Heck, the last type is (i would argue on this) is good procrastination. Believe me, the most impressive persons I know are terrible Procrastinators. In good sense, it’s like avoiding to do some household chores to do real work.
And in good sense, I’m finding a way to solve this problem because it’s almost like two months before my board exam. So I’ll just let myself do these with delight rather than having my “to-do” list push me into this sink-hole (hehe). I’m sure most of you guys can relate on this. But I guess we’ll just have to sail close to the wind with this one and leave the RIGHT things undone.
-silverboi
- Get me started…
